Blogging Ain't Easy (For Me)

I have a hard time staying consistent with any blog. You should see my Blogger Dashboard -- I've got like 8 or 10 different blogs with different names and themes, and most of them are empty, or have a small collection of unfinished, unpublished posts.

I think blogging is hard for me because it takes me awhile to figure out what I want to say, and because once I get started I have too MUCH to say. At the outset, my life doesn't seem interesting enough to spend time writing about it. But then I sort of get on a roll and can't stop until I've quite literally exhausted myself. All in all, its a difficult and time-consuming process!

So, why THIS blog? What do I mean, "An Empty Mask"? That's a good question: It sounded cool? Seriously though, I go through these phases of what you might call "melancholy". Depression runs in my family, but I'm blessed in that even when I'm in a "down-state" of sorts I know I'll eventually come back out of it. Responsibilities like having to work to stay alive help with that. But anyway, when I'm in this melancholy state, I don't necessarily notice it sometimes -- sometimes I just don't really feel much of anything. It's like the way I really feel is locked way down deep inside. Maybe I'm even keeping it there on purpose, for some reason.

The "empty mask" is this state I get in (very occasionally) where on the outside, I look like myself, I act like myself, and as far as even I'm aware, I'm totally myself. But on the inside, I can hardly feel anything; I feel empty.

On the other hand, something I'm grateful for is my ability to care about other people. I tend to be pretty good at judging how others are feeling, and I feel genuinely concerned for and interested in others, even (and perhaps especially) when I'm wearing that Empty Mask. I mean, I doubt many people see me as the most intuitively selfless person they know, because I'm not so good at figuring out how to help. Quite often I feel utterly helpless when I want to help the most.

So there's the low-down on the blog title. A point of note is that so far, I've never felt this while I'm actually writing the blog. With a little luck, the blog will be a seemingly paradoxical collection of some of my better moments.

I am going to make a new goal, right here, right now -- Ye are my witnesses! -- I am going to post in this blog at least once a month (on average). I know that doesn't sound very frequent or promising, but believe me, it'll be a drastic improvement!